Living with Type A

to do list

And by Living with Type A, I mean how you can better support your Type A significant other or friend. Once you understand us, you’ll realize we’re always right.

Firstly, a point of clarification: Type A is not OCD. I will be covering OCD in a different entry.

Important Motivators of Type A Folk:

1) Perfection – Who cares if this is technically impossible? We are forever haunted by the possibility and will compromise our health and sanity in the pursuit of nirvana, which any Buddhist will tell you is possible.

2) Efficiency – Type A people don’t like people or objects, but especially people, that get in their way of getting things done in a timely manner. Don’t judge, just get out of their way and no one will get hurt.

3) To Do List – Nothing is more thrilling than crossing off an item on the To Do List, second only to closet organizers. Forgive me for stating the obvious, but if it is not captured on a To Do List, it is not worthy of your time and attention.  Once you realize this, your life will thank you.

Failure to meet any of the above three objectives may result in stress, shortness of breath and night sweats. But don’t worry, this is just a temporary blip on the path to perfection.

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The Present

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PresentI’m glad I wore a sweater tonight. Mind you, I was uncomfortably hot and perspiring most of the evening but I knew the night would cool down and I would be cold and wishing I had worn a sweater.

Although most of the evening I wish I had not worn a sweater, I am now glad I made the sacrifice in the past to preempt my potential future discomfort, which is now the pleasantly present, and the past is but a fleeting memory of inconvenience and pit stains.

I shared my musings with a friend.

“Oh, I just brought a cardigan that I could layer on top when I get cold,” she said. “And I’ve been the perfect temperature all night!

And with that, my present was uncomfortable yet again.

Why smart women love chick lit

Sabrina (57)

In honour of International Chick Lit Month, and my favourite chick lit novel, Why I Love My Gay Boyfriendwhich also happens to my own novel, I attempt to demystify why smart women love chick lit.

1. Guilty Pleasure – women like to know that someone is unluckier and clumsier than them but so darn loveable at the same time!

2. Intrigue and Giggles – a one-stop shop for torrid affairs, silly humour and exclamation marks!

3. Happy Ending – get the guy, get revenge, emerge victorious.

4. Female Indulgence – there’s a girly girl in all of us and chick lit is unapologetically for women.

5. Light Fun –  we work hard and we work a lot. At the end of the day, there’s only so much room in our brains.

Which is why, as a courtesy, I’m ending this list at 5.

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Fashion Memo: Spring 13

Photo: guardian.co.uk

For those that know me, being funny does not come naturally to me, and most of the time, it does not come at all.

But what does come easily, since I’m so shallow, is fashion. And since I’ve been wearing clothes my whole life, that does make me somewhat of an authority on the topic.

So in the absence of having something witty and funny to blog about, I’ve written my first fashion blog on how to bring spring trends to work.

Leather
You no longer have to rock the casbah to rock full leather dresses or pants. But if you don’t understand why the dominatrix look may be career limiting at work, then perhaps this tip is not relevant for your line of work.

A more appropriate way to incorporate leather into the workplace would be with leather accents or trim on clothing, such as these cute black pants or fabulous skirt from Club Monaco.

And yes, ladies, they’re on sale. You’re welcome.

Bold Florals
Bold floral prints are blossoming this season all over pants and perhaps borderline disturbingly on entire head-to-toe outfits.

If you don’t feel like looking like a flower shop exploded on your outfit, a more appropriate way to bring florals to work is to contain the pattern in a scarf, such as this lovely scarf from Zara.

Bold Stripes and Black & White
The fashion world has adopted the stripe trend with a Beetlejuice-like fervour. For the more emotionally stable, a classic striped shirt is a versatile layering piece that will sustain past spring. Hit two trends in one by going with black and white stripes.

The simplicity of this trend begs for a little personality, like this fun striped sequin tee from J. Crew.

The Bottom Line: The key with runway trends is not to look like an insane asylum escapee by choosing a classic, toned down version for the workplace.

25 Ways to Mock Me

I discovered a video cleverly disguised as 25 Ways to Wear a Scarf. At first blush, this video is sunshine and puppies. However, do not be fooled. This video is designed by a sadist to mock your lack of coordination and leave you emotionally fatigued to the point of self-despair. You will soon realize that the cute, delightful model is your nemesis, taunting your fashion naiveté and dreams of effortless style.

And so Fashion thrives, on our delusions that true happiness could only be realized by being skinny, beautiful and fashionable. For example, maybe I’m not a supermodel, but these shoes totally make me look like one from the ankle down. One could also tell by the nonchalant way in which I drape my scarf that I’m just as carefree as Kim Kardashian.

So in conclusion, I recommend you watch this video and if you figure out how to do the Basic Loop, please show me how!

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A good electrician

While a shoe addict is wired to see life as a series of shoe-wearing opportunities, a writer is wired to see her life unfold in metaphors.

Unsolicited, my realtor had set me up with an electrician to install pot lights, assuming I needed them.  Maybe my lighting situation was just fine the way it was.

I called the electrician several times but he never called back.  Annoyed, I left a message asking if he was still interested. He texted me back to say that he was busy and that I should find someone else.

OMG, did my electrician just dump me over text?

My life suddenly felt void of light. I asked friends but no one knew of an electrician that was free. I started to get worried. Was I ever going to find an electrician?

As my desperation started to mount, a friend recommended her old electrician. Sure, she had always complained about him, but I had no other options. The day before he was scheduled to come over, I received a weird cancellation voice mail from a stranger. Suspicious, I called my electrician. He didn’t realize it was me and answered. Embarrassed, he stuttered through an incoherent excuse.

“So, are you not coming over tomorrow?” I could hear in the background that he was at another job.

“It’s not going to work out,” he responded.

OMG, did my electrician just get his contractor buddy to call and dump me?

He said he’d call back to reschedule but never did. I was starting to feel very insecure about my condo’s ability to attract electricians.

Desperate, I took to the Internet and was shocked to see how many electricians that were available. Or were they? Many were not interested in my condo but I finally found one.

Could he have smelled a little better? Yes. Could he have adopted a speaking instead of a yelling voice? Yes. But he was respectful and decent and got the job done.

And that is the end of the metaphor because while I may have settled for an electrician, there are some things in life you just don’t settle for. Like a bad glass of wine, of course.

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My (brief) time as a supermodel

As it was of no relevance or interest to me, I had not taken note of how many young, attractive women there were at my office until our National Sales Meeting. There was a large IT conference that was taking place at the same hotel and it was rife with Bill Gates-esque looking men. They looked like they all carried pocket algebra calculators and attended superhero conferences in costume. No doubt they also had an IQ double the size of mine and would soon rule the world.

One night, one such individual approached me and, enthused to the point of madness, declared that only supermodels worked at my company. Later, in the elevator, clones of this individual mobbed me to enthusiastically tell me where I worked. I felt like the ambassador of Victoria’s Secret secret supermodels.

Never before had men been so excited to speak to me. And never before had I been so struck by the power of relativity. This is the supermodel version of Einstein’s theory of relativity: the measurement of female attractiveness is relative to the nerdiness of the men observing said females, and is magnified by the likeness and size of opposing forces.

But as fleeting my time as a supermodel, I may as well revel in it. After all, these are very, very smart men.

Attempting supermodel-dom

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On Unleashing the Beast Within

Over the years many have made note of my “healthy competitive drive”, often accompanied with belittlement and such descriptors as “obnoxious” and “obsessive”. I do not consider myself more competitive than most, just more outwardly expressive of this quality. Although, I admit, I’m very annoying to play cards with.

There is a fine line between driven and crazy. Case in point: when I run on the treadmill, I like to run faster than the person beside me. I don’t stop running before they stop. The other day I notice the girl beside me is booting it. When I run faster, so does she. I’m killing myself trying to keep up with my fine new adversary. My admiration soon turns into irritation. When is this bitch going to stop running? It is at this point that I realize that I’m running beside a mirror and, in fact, the girl running beside me is my own reflection.

I was both aghast and delighted. Firstly: I look so hardcore when I run! Secondly: the metaphorical nature of this story is astounding. Thirdly: yes, I am slightly crazy. But this is the kind of crazy that I embrace. I wouldn’t be who I am or where I am without this competitive beast within.

And so I say to my reflection in the mirror: Bring it.

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Why I can’t be a spy

It’s a fact. Female spies are hot. I’ve studied Angelina Jolie’s movies and have come to terms with the fact that the world of espionage is not for me. I will have to find other ways to look hot, like blogging.

These are the important things I think about in my spare time:

  • I can’t run anywhere near as well as Tom Cruise.
  • I can’t fight in heels. In fact, I can’t fight.
  • I’m not at my best when I’m hungry, have had less than 6 hours sleep, am having a bad hair day (see Overpriced hair), have had more than 2 glass of wine or if Starbucks is out of biscotti. Other than that I’m good. About 5% of the time.
  • I get disoriented coming of out elevators, when in buildings, and at any point when driving.
  • I’m screwed if the MapQuest directions are wrong.
  • When I’m stressed, I really just need to stop. And drink.

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