Fashion Memo: Spring 13

Photo: guardian.co.uk

For those that know me, being funny does not come naturally to me, and most of the time, it does not come at all.

But what does come easily, since I’m so shallow, is fashion. And since I’ve been wearing clothes my whole life, that does make me somewhat of an authority on the topic.

So in the absence of having something witty and funny to blog about, I’ve written my first fashion blog on how to bring spring trends to work.

Leather
You no longer have to rock the casbah to rock full leather dresses or pants. But if you don’t understand why the dominatrix look may be career limiting at work, then perhaps this tip is not relevant for your line of work.

A more appropriate way to incorporate leather into the workplace would be with leather accents or trim on clothing, such as these cute black pants or fabulous skirt from Club Monaco.

And yes, ladies, they’re on sale. You’re welcome.

Bold Florals
Bold floral prints are blossoming this season all over pants and perhaps borderline disturbingly on entire head-to-toe outfits.

If you don’t feel like looking like a flower shop exploded on your outfit, a more appropriate way to bring florals to work is to contain the pattern in a scarf, such as this lovely scarf from Zara.

Bold Stripes and Black & White
The fashion world has adopted the stripe trend with a Beetlejuice-like fervour. For the more emotionally stable, a classic striped shirt is a versatile layering piece that will sustain past spring. Hit two trends in one by going with black and white stripes.

The simplicity of this trend begs for a little personality, like this fun striped sequin tee from J. Crew.

The Bottom Line: The key with runway trends is not to look like an insane asylum escapee by choosing a classic, toned down version for the workplace.

I like pretty shiny things

I’m a girlie girl. I like pretty things. I’m distracted by shiny objects. I want to dance with fashion models in glossy magazine spreads and clothing TV commercials set against white backgrounds with a fan softly blowing my hair.

I want to believe that skintight pleather pants look good on me; that designer bags are a rational investment; that 5″ stiletto heels are comfortable; and that mirrors in change rooms aren’t strategically positioned to make me look skinnier and taller.

The reality is that only 0.1% of the population actually look good in snakeskin jeggings or a thong bikini, and that most of them reside in Brazil.

I’m not a cynic, I’m a fashion realist. That 0.1% of the population are freaks. Freaks of nature that have been airbrushed after hours of hair and makeup and captured at the most flattering angle in perfect lighting. Fashion is fantasy. And so this realist will be returning her shiny, skintight pleather pants…but keeping the shoes.

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25 Ways to Mock Me

I discovered a video cleverly disguised as 25 Ways to Wear a Scarf. At first blush, this video is sunshine and puppies. However, do not be fooled. This video is designed by a sadist to mock your lack of coordination and leave you emotionally fatigued to the point of self-despair. You will soon realize that the cute, delightful model is your nemesis, taunting your fashion naiveté and dreams of effortless style.

And so Fashion thrives, on our delusions that true happiness could only be realized by being skinny, beautiful and fashionable. For example, maybe I’m not a supermodel, but these shoes totally make me look like one from the ankle down. One could also tell by the nonchalant way in which I drape my scarf that I’m just as carefree as Kim Kardashian.

So in conclusion, I recommend you watch this video and if you figure out how to do the Basic Loop, please show me how!

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