Living with Type A

to do list

And by Living with Type A, I mean how you can better support your Type A significant other or friend. Once you understand us, you’ll realize we’re always right.

Firstly, a point of clarification: Type A is not OCD. I will be covering OCD in a different entry.

Important Motivators of Type A Folk:

1) Perfection – Who cares if this is technically impossible? We are forever haunted by the possibility and will compromise our health and sanity in the pursuit of nirvana, which any Buddhist will tell you is possible.

2) Efficiency – Type A people don’t like people or objects, but especially people, that get in their way of getting things done in a timely manner. Don’t judge, just get out of their way and no one will get hurt.

3) To Do List – Nothing is more thrilling than crossing off an item on the To Do List, second only to closet organizers. Forgive me for stating the obvious, but if it is not captured on a To Do List, it is not worthy of your time and attention.  Once you realize this, your life will thank you.

Failure to meet any of the above three objectives may result in stress, shortness of breath and night sweats. But don’t worry, this is just a temporary blip on the path to perfection.

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The Present

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PresentI’m glad I wore a sweater tonight. Mind you, I was uncomfortably hot and perspiring most of the evening but I knew the night would cool down and I would be cold and wishing I had worn a sweater.

Although most of the evening I wish I had not worn a sweater, I am now glad I made the sacrifice in the past to preempt my potential future discomfort, which is now the pleasantly present, and the past is but a fleeting memory of inconvenience and pit stains.

I shared my musings with a friend.

“Oh, I just brought a cardigan that I could layer on top when I get cold,” she said. “And I’ve been the perfect temperature all night!

And with that, my present was uncomfortable yet again.

The world, in 18/20 vision

Ignorance is bliss, much like my experience when I don’t wear glasses. I have 18/20 vision, which is just enough to make do driving in familiar streets but not enough to see the anger in people’s faces when you cut them off. Or the actual car that you cut off, for that matter.

Blurry Book Signing

18/20 vision is like TV without HD – before news personalities had to get Botox. It blurs the undesirable parts, like mirrors in bikini change rooms. Would the world be a better place if everyone saw it through the lens of 18/20 vision? Speaking from experience, no, eye sight is critical most of the time, like when you need to see where you’re going.

But when you get there, I recommend taking off your glasses and being happily unaware of the food stuck in your teeth or that the person you’re waving to is a complete stranger or the pointed looks you’re getting for speaking too loudly on your cell phone. Just be happy you got there, if only for a bit.

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Why smart women love chick lit

Sabrina (57)

In honour of International Chick Lit Month, and my favourite chick lit novel, Why I Love My Gay Boyfriendwhich also happens to my own novel, I attempt to demystify why smart women love chick lit.

1. Guilty Pleasure – women like to know that someone is unluckier and clumsier than them but so darn loveable at the same time!

2. Intrigue and Giggles – a one-stop shop for torrid affairs, silly humour and exclamation marks!

3. Happy Ending – get the guy, get revenge, emerge victorious.

4. Female Indulgence – there’s a girly girl in all of us and chick lit is unapologetically for women.

5. Light Fun –  we work hard and we work a lot. At the end of the day, there’s only so much room in our brains.

Which is why, as a courtesy, I’m ending this list at 5.

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A High Five Moment

I possess both the privilege and ignorance to believe there is nothing better than all-day Sunday brunch. When we found a nearby parking spot across from the brunch place…well, this was worthy of forsaking any sense of cool and celebrating with a high five.

While paying for parking, I noticed the brunch place looked ominously dark. I ran over to check. An employee was smoking outside and informed me with well-restrained satisfaction that the restaurant had just closed. He added unnecessarily, “I saw you high-fiving when you found that parking spot.”

I was disappointed more so by my loss of cool than loss of brunch. Was parking really that sparse in Toronto or were we really that obnoxious?  In any case, I suppose I’m glad we could provide some form of entertainment.

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Fashion Memo: Spring 13

Photo: guardian.co.uk

For those that know me, being funny does not come naturally to me, and most of the time, it does not come at all.

But what does come easily, since I’m so shallow, is fashion. And since I’ve been wearing clothes my whole life, that does make me somewhat of an authority on the topic.

So in the absence of having something witty and funny to blog about, I’ve written my first fashion blog on how to bring spring trends to work.

Leather
You no longer have to rock the casbah to rock full leather dresses or pants. But if you don’t understand why the dominatrix look may be career limiting at work, then perhaps this tip is not relevant for your line of work.

A more appropriate way to incorporate leather into the workplace would be with leather accents or trim on clothing, such as these cute black pants or fabulous skirt from Club Monaco.

And yes, ladies, they’re on sale. You’re welcome.

Bold Florals
Bold floral prints are blossoming this season all over pants and perhaps borderline disturbingly on entire head-to-toe outfits.

If you don’t feel like looking like a flower shop exploded on your outfit, a more appropriate way to bring florals to work is to contain the pattern in a scarf, such as this lovely scarf from Zara.

Bold Stripes and Black & White
The fashion world has adopted the stripe trend with a Beetlejuice-like fervour. For the more emotionally stable, a classic striped shirt is a versatile layering piece that will sustain past spring. Hit two trends in one by going with black and white stripes.

The simplicity of this trend begs for a little personality, like this fun striped sequin tee from J. Crew.

The Bottom Line: The key with runway trends is not to look like an insane asylum escapee by choosing a classic, toned down version for the workplace.

I like pretty shiny things

I’m a girlie girl. I like pretty things. I’m distracted by shiny objects. I want to dance with fashion models in glossy magazine spreads and clothing TV commercials set against white backgrounds with a fan softly blowing my hair.

I want to believe that skintight pleather pants look good on me; that designer bags are a rational investment; that 5″ stiletto heels are comfortable; and that mirrors in change rooms aren’t strategically positioned to make me look skinnier and taller.

The reality is that only 0.1% of the population actually look good in snakeskin jeggings or a thong bikini, and that most of them reside in Brazil.

I’m not a cynic, I’m a fashion realist. That 0.1% of the population are freaks. Freaks of nature that have been airbrushed after hours of hair and makeup and captured at the most flattering angle in perfect lighting. Fashion is fantasy. And so this realist will be returning her shiny, skintight pleather pants…but keeping the shoes.

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Burlesque Strippers and Snowstorms

What do burlesque strippers and snowstorms have in common? The correct answer is that they should have absolutely nothing in common. But if you’re me, they’re quite commonly common.

In my (yet-to-be) illustrious career as an author, I’ve had two book events: my book launch party, which was double booked with a burlesque strip show (naturally), and a Meet & Greet at Indigo, which happened to coincide with Snowmageddon 2013. Burlesque strippers and angry snowstorms, both formidable forces of nature, have unceremoniously shut down my author events.

Burlesque

Amidst the burlesque stripping/my book launch party, my good friend Brad consoled me: “Girls get upset because they have a vision, and guys just roll with it.” I suspect it’s a lot easier for guys to roll with it when there’s nudity involved, but I got the message.

In a visit to the unfamiliar territory of turning lemons into lemonadethese unwelcome events have taught me how to turn that frown upside down! 🙂

Little known fact: did you know that burlesque stripping, no matter how unexpected or inappropriate, is commonly enjoyed by all? And, my book event got rescheduled, allowing me a much longer time to milk it.

So how do I feel about my next author event? I’m ready for you, Irony, whatever you may bring. Because that’s how I roll (now).

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25 Ways to Mock Me

I discovered a video cleverly disguised as 25 Ways to Wear a Scarf. At first blush, this video is sunshine and puppies. However, do not be fooled. This video is designed by a sadist to mock your lack of coordination and leave you emotionally fatigued to the point of self-despair. You will soon realize that the cute, delightful model is your nemesis, taunting your fashion naiveté and dreams of effortless style.

And so Fashion thrives, on our delusions that true happiness could only be realized by being skinny, beautiful and fashionable. For example, maybe I’m not a supermodel, but these shoes totally make me look like one from the ankle down. One could also tell by the nonchalant way in which I drape my scarf that I’m just as carefree as Kim Kardashian.

So in conclusion, I recommend you watch this video and if you figure out how to do the Basic Loop, please show me how!

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